Think About Now
by samtana
Summary: If you think you know who Katara will end up with, you are dead wrong. I promise.
1. Chapter 1 Play

Oh, boy, another series.

I spent a lot of time editing this, maybe thrice the amount of time I usually spend editing. Let me know if it made a difference.

If you think you know who Katara will end up with, you are dead wrong. I promise.

I don't own Avatar.

**Think About Now**

Aang knew how to deal with pain. He did so very often. But that didn't justify how cruelly Katara had treated him during the play, and she knew it. But they had to have that talk at some point. Did she really think she could avoid it for so long?

She had been observing his relationship with pain since they met. When his tattoos weren't glowing with rage, he had two ways to deal with pain. He would run away. He ran away when the air benders wanted to remove him from sight and sound of his lifelong friends. He ran away when the fisherman yelled at him, unwarranted but still scathing. He would even run away from his feelings themselves, as she realized in the Serpent's Pass.

When he wasn't running he was playing. This was a new thing for him. She first saw it at the Western Air Temple when he refused to contribute to any conversation regarding a plan. He wanted to play insted. He relapsed into the goofy kid, the kid who made a slide out of Appa's tail for little kids, much different from the disenchanted young man who woke up after being hit by Azula's lightning, itching for his honor's return.

He didn't want to grow up. Katara knew it already, but it was painfully obvious now. He resented having to leave his childhood behind, sacrificing it to the world, when he would rather be on an air scooter, fleeing from Momo, dangling a piece of fruit just out of reach.

There was only one aspect of growing up he embraced, Katara thought to herself, her stomach churning. He was willing to grow up for her. He had been, at least. She remembered the kiss on the submarine. She would be lying if she said she felt something other than a disturbing physical reaction. It wasn't romantic, just surprising. Once he noticed she was avoiding him during that long exodus from the Fire Nation in disgraceful defeat, he focused his aggression not on her but on growing up. He dove over the edge with his glider with an intention to do loops, running away by playing.

So the playing continued as Momo dove at Aang's face. Aang laughed and pulled at the chattering lemur. He was unable to cease the production of his air scooter, inadvertently spinning it out of control. It wasn't disdainful; in fact, it was rather funny to watch. But it also wasn't attractive.

Zuko scoffed in Aang's direction.

"All he ever does is play," Zuko complained. "He'll work a little bit on fire bending with me, maybe some earth bending, and then he's a dopey kid again." He sighed. "I hope he has what it takes to defeat my father."

"He does," said Katara uncomfortably. She learned a long time ago that she was good at sounding confident even when she wasn't. "He's just working hard, that's all. Don't you like to play around after working all day?"

Zuko kept his eyes on Aang, while Katara found that Zuko's scar was much easier to look at than her accidental love interest.

"I was his age when I was banished," he said sourly. "Even before then, though, I don't remember having a fondness for playing."

Katara laughed, trying to lighten the mood. "You must have had a terrible childhood growing up," she teased.

"Ever since I lost Mom."

If there was any subject that could put a clamp on Katara's attention, it was that of mothers. She knew exactly what Zuko meant. Play stopped almost entirely when her mother died and her father fled to the warfront. It hadn't resumed again until she met Aang, who was now on his staff and in the air, looping around Momo.

Katara put her hand on Zuko's shoulder. "I should thank you again for helping me find the man who killed my mother," she said.

"It was the least I could do."

"It meant a lot to me," continued Katara. "I learned something very important about myself."

"Because you didn't kill him?"

Katara nodded.

Zuko swallowed. "You are very compassionate, Katara," he said, turning back to the goofy kid who called himself a monk. "Until very recently I would have easily taken that man's life if I were in your position." He sighed. "I've spent so much time being controlled by rage and vengeance that I'm having a hard time learning a new way to live."

"You'll figure it out," said Katara encouragingly. "I know you will."

Zuko shook his head, the frustration in his body language painfully evident. "Everything has been one struggle after another. First my mother, the only person who loved me, is taken away. Then I'm banished and sent on a futile quest, cast away from my homeland and everyone I ever knew, save for Uncle. Then I betray him, as well as you all, and then Mai. I've been so confused all my life and I've made a habit of hurting everyone around me while I've tried to sort it out. But how come nothing can come easy for once? All I ever do is work and work and work, and things only get a little better, if that." He scowled at Aang with disgust. "I have no time to play."

Katara put her hand on Zuko's shoulder again. She was good at this sort of thing, comforting someone who was depressed. But she wasn't used to dealing with Zuko, the older boy, the Fire Prince, like this. It came easily to her now, from all the years of practice with her brother, and more recently with Aang.

"I know how you must feel," she cooed. "After my mother died I felt like everyone I knew was counting on me for everything. Sokka, Gran-Gran, and the rest of the tribe. I felt like I couldn't live my own life anymore. But all this suffering, all this pain we've been going through; it's all going to end very soon. We all have a new family now: all of us. And we're so strong together that we can definitely bring peace to the world, and when that happens maybe you'll find some time to do something other than struggle."

She smiled at him, hoping her confident assertions would work. They always seemed to for Aang, but perhaps the older teen would be more skeptical. He turned to her and gave a small smile.

"Thanks, Katara," Zuko said gruffly. "We'll make that come true."

They locked eyes for a moment, and Katara recognized something different in the way Zuko was looking at her, something she couldn't quite place. Come to think of it, there was something in the tone of his voice, too. He kept staring at her, not like he was expecting her to say anything, but more like he simply enjoyed looking at her and had no intention of ever stopping.

Now she recognized that look. It was a look she had received so many times from Aang before, before she understood what they meant.

Katara stood up abruptly, noticing Zuko's eyes follow her.

"I think I'm going to start making some dinner," she said quickly, walking away from him, keeping her eyes away.

"Um, all right," mumbled Zuko. Katara could feel those burning eyes striding just behind her, making her even more confused. "Wait!" called Zuko. "Sokka and Suki haven't come back with the food yet!"

Katara pretended not to hear him. She walked past Aang and Momo, trying to disguise her blush and discomfort in her brisk pace, wishing that Aang wouldn't notice her escape and stop her. So of course Aang stopped her.

"Katara!" he called, riding an air scooter up to her feet, setting himself down in front of her. "Let me show you this new air bending trick! When you carve a little hole in the monkeyberry, like this, then blow into it, it explodes!"

"That's great, Aang," stammered Katara, half sarcastic, half distracted. She noticed for the first time that when the young monk was shirtless as he was now, that his build did not compare to Zuko's handsome, mature body. "But I have to…"

"Watch!" Aang blew into the monkeyberry, sending tiny drops of purple flying through the air, onto Aang's tunic, Katara's dress, and Momo's fur coat. Momo jumped on Katara's shoulder and started licking the dripping juice off her body. It was dreadfully uncomfortable. Aang air bended himself clean, giggling. He acted as if he had forgotten completely that he was in love with her.

"Thank you, Aang," she said starkly. "But I'm really busy right now. With things. Over there." She gestured in some direction and started walking in another. "So I'll see you later, then."

"Okay! Bye!" called Aang. Katara could hear him make another air scooter and speed away.

That kid with the monkeyberry only looked like the mature Avatar who kissed her, but he acted like the goofy honorary brother she found in the South Pole. Was it just his way of dealing with the pain of her saying she was confused? Or was it him trying to earn her attention, trying to subliminally convince her to love him back? Or was it something else entirely? And now there was Zuko, too, giving her kind of look that wanted her all to itself. What was she to do? She didn't want romance! She didn't even think about it! She loved them both like family, but she didn't care to kiss either of them. She simply didn't have that desire!

But obviously they did have that desire, and she knew she would someday have to confront it, probably someday soon. Probably too soon.

Katara sat herself on the beech, watching the push and pull of the waves against the sand. She took a handful of small grains and emptied it slowly, the air blowing them wistfully away.

She had a lot to think about now.

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I will remind you, if you think you know who Katara will end up with, you are dead wrong. I promise.

Going along with the "Samtana doesn't believe in love at first sight" thing, I wanted to show that I believe, no matter how unlikely and out of character, that even Zutara is possible, though it would take a lot of work to do convincingly. I also tell this from Katara's perspective, for now. This is new for me. I am not a woman, so I've avoided letting the reader into her thoughts until now. Hopefully I was adequate.

I think it explains a lot if Aang deals with pain by playing.

I will make enemies by saying this, but I actually think Katara was confused during the Ember Island Players episode. I don't think she's worked it all out yet, and I don't think she understood how painful her words were to Aang. So I'll be working under the starting assumption that she is confused.

So who will help Katara work out her confusion? Keep guessing, but your time is better spent reading. Like this monster-long author's note...

-samtana


	2. Chapter 2 Confused to Pieces

It was intoxicatingly tempting to drift away from Katara's perspective for this one, but I resisted. It's a real challenge for me to write as her. It makes this series fun to write.

Keep guessing. I'm sure you'll get it eventually…

I don't own Avatar. Thanks for asking.

**Chapter 2 – Confused to Pieces**

"He's lying," croaked Toph. Katara could hear Smellerbee quietly sobbing to herself. Unable to do anything more, they made their hasty escape.

And Katara had been confused ever since.

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Katara poured Zuko a bowl of soup. She didn't look at him, but she assumed he was looking at her. Golden eyes had a piercing quality to them, judging even though they had no right to. She hurried over to Sokka and Suki.

The twilight was beautiful, Katara lamented. Stupid weather.

"Aang!" she called to the trees. "It's time to eat!"

"Coming!" shouted the gleeful monk, his head popping out from the forest canopy. "You heard her, Momo! Let's go!"

The wind blew as he landed, and Katara had to look away. She almost would rather have had Aang look at her like Zuko did now. And have Zuko look at her like he was using her as bait. At least things would be normal.

"Did I tell you about the time I beat up a giant all-knowing spirit?" Sokka asked Suki casually.

Suki choked on her soup as Katara began pouring the wine.

"Please," said Katara, rolling her eyes. "You just got him while he wasn't looking."

"Sh!" interrupted Sokka, his finger on his lips. "I'm telling the story here!" he turned back to Suki. "It all happened when we were in this ancient library in the middle of the desert."

"Are you sure you're not making this up?"

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Sokka pulled Appa's reins sharply to the left.

"And sometimes they're wrong," he said smoothly.

Katara turned to face the sky. She didn't want to face a person, so she looked for clouds. There were none. It was a beautiful day, a stupidly beautiful day.

She didn't want to look down to the earth. Too many people there. She knew they couldn't see her, but she couldn't bear the thought of crying in front of all those people. Over a boy. She was supposed to be stronger than that. This wasn't like the loss of her mother. It was just some stupid boy doing stupid things on a stupidly beautiful day.

She shielded her eyes from the sun, hardly necessary after a few moments once she had dropped to her knees, allowing tears to fall down her cheeks. She cursed herself for being so emotional. She was born with it, she was convinced, because every little thing made her eyes well up ever since she was a little girl. But she was stronger now. Little, stupid things shouldn't make her cry.

So confusing.

She sniffed loudly. She wanted out of her mind. She wanted to feel her father's hand on her shoulder, to see the wrinkles in his forehead as his eyebrows arches up with concern. She made her body tremble at the side of the saddle. That would surely catch someone's eye. Her father wasn't there, and her insensitive brother would never notice from the reins.

"So next we're going to the Great Divide!" exclaimed Aang. Katara could feel the warmth of his body as it moved closer to her. "It's one of the most beautiful places in the world, Katara! You've got to see it!"

Katara sniffed again, partly because she needed to, partly to draw attention.

"Katara?' said Aang finally. "Is something wrong?"

Katara sniffed again and said through a broken voice, "No, Aang, I'm fine," making it as obvious as she could that she wasn't.

"Great!" said Aang cheerily. "Because we're going to one of the most beautiful places in the world and you'll want to be in a good mood!"

That wasn't what he was supposed to say. He was supposed to say, "Are you sure? Talk to me." But he didn't.

The day was too beautiful for him to say something like that.

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How come everyone always counted on her to keep them up when they were down? Sand and a lack of water, no help, and no hope. How come she couldn't have some emotional support every now and then?

And, though she hated to admit it, there was only one person who had been able to offer this sort of support, even more than her brother.

And there were some major problems with this person.

First of all, they had tried to kill each other on numerous occasions. But secondly, and maybe even more importantly, he reminded her too much like Jet.

There was no rationality about this. They only had two things in common as far as Katara could tell: a taste for the destruction of villages, and admittedly gorgeous physical attributes.

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"And there he was!" said Sokka with a menacing tone. "A giant spirit as old as the world itself in the shape of a giant owl!"

Suki broke into laughter.

"What?" exclaimed Sokka indignantly. "It's true!"

"He's right," corroborated Aang, taking a sip from his soup. "I was there."

"You see, I'm more inclined to believe him," said Suki to Sokka, pointing at Aang.

Everyone laughed.

"I could tell you if he's lying," said Toph matter-of-factly.

"That's another thing I don't believe!" Suki blurted out, twirling her glass of wine in her hand. "How can you tell if people are lying if you couldn't even tell me apart from Sokka?"

"Hey!" exclaimed Toph, leaping to her feet. "You said you wouldn't talk about that!"

"Talk about what?' asked Aang.

Zuko smirked. "I think I can figure it out."

"Shut up, Sparky," growled Toph through gritted teeth.

"So then what happened?" asked Suki eagerly, her head on Sokka's shoulder. Katara looked away. "Go on with the story, already!"

"Well, I tricked the owl and found out about the Day of Black Sun," said Sokka impressively.

"That did you a lot of good," Zuko pointed out.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, it did," retorted Sokka. Then, considering what he had said, added, "Oh, wait. No, it didn't."

Katara looked down and saw her bust, which was beginning to borderline impressive proportions. She wished for her parka, something to cover herself so boys wouldn't look at her that way. You know, that way.

Why couldn't things just stay as they were? This was so wonderful, sitting around the fire, eating dinner with friends and family, laughing, teasing. There was no need to add suggestive glances and impure thoughts. Why did there have to be any romance at all?

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There she was, crying over a boy again. But this time was different. She didn't even realize she was crying.

And she wasn't crying because she was brokenhearted, at least not the same as before. She was allowed to cry over real emotions. A feeling of loss is a real feeling. A feeling of betrayal is only the result of one's own stupidity. Therefore it is not a valid emotion.

Be quiet, consciousness. It is true and you know it.

She wasn't thinking about any of this when she cried over a boy in front of all those people. It was not a stupidly beautiful day. It was storming outside, but she wouldn't find that out until she made it out from underground.

Someday she would have to thank Iroh for what he did.

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After that, no more crying over boys. Her father didn't count as a boy.

Crying over blood bending was a different matter.

And, once again, Aang didn't know what to do.

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"Oh, wait. No, it didn't," added Sokka.

"Azula must have found out when she was dressed up as me," said Suki, spitting on the ground.

"Well, no use crying over spilled tea," said Sokka.

"Unless you're my uncle," said Zuko, actually chuckling a little. "There was this one time…"

"Can it, fire man," scolded Suki. "I want to hear about the giant owl."

Zuko folded his arms over his chest and sulked.

"I don't think that's a good idea," said Toph, gesturing over to Aang.

Grey eyes fixated on the sky, searching for something. A cloud, perhaps. Or a beautiful day, even if it's stupid. No piercing there. Just watching. Aang turned his head to realize everyone was staring at him. He laughed nervously.

"You finish the story without me," he said, air bending himself off the ground. "I'm going to practice my water bending."

With that he hopped on an air scooter and sped off towards the beach.

"What a party-pooper," complained Sokka. "So, anyway, then the owl started attacking us and…"

"Did you not just see that?" interrupted Zuko.

"He just doesn't like my storytelling, I guess," reasoned Sokka. "So, as I was saying…"

"Aren't you going to go see what's wrong?"

"Oh, that's Katara's job," dismissed Sokka.

"My job?" exclaimed Katara.

"Well, yeah," said Sokka. "Whenever there's something wrong with Aang you're always the one who brings him out of it."

"He's not lying," snickered Toph.

"Shut up, Toph," mumbled Katara low enough so that no one could hear. She stood up and avoided Zuko's eyes. She considered asking someone to help find out whatever was wrong with Aang, but she was terrified of Zuko accepting the invitation meant for Toph. She sighed and walked away from the warm fire and towards the beach, unfortunately.

"So, the owl attacked us and…" Katara could hear as she drifted away.

"Do you think she's okay?" asked Zuko.

"Okay, seriously, will you let me tell this story or not?"

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"You don't want to fall in love?" laughed Yue.

Katara blushed and nodded. She glanced at the glowing monk. Still in the spirit world, still unable to eavesdrop.

"Neither did I," said Yue. "It could only make things more complicated for me." She sighed. "But I did. There was no helping it. And it was wonderful. Don't run from it, Katara."

"Why not?"

"Because running will only make you more confused."

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_Think you know? I laugh in your face. Keep guessing._

_Are you confused? Good. That's by design. More to come, and then maybe you won't be so confused anymore._

_-samtana_


	3. Chapter 3 On His Mind

I don't own Avatar. Do you? Didn't think so.

**On His Mind**

Katara shielded her eyes as she approached the beach. The sound of a million grains of sand pounding against each other reached her ears as her arm was covered in pinpricks. Once the wind died down she could see the young monk in the water, half naked, studiously streaming the water with his hands. Katara sighed and continued to walk.

"Katara!" called Aang happily, tossing her the water. She caught it easily, the feel of smooth flowing liquid soothing her mind. She grinned and sent it back.

"It's about time we had another lesson," she said.

Aang smiled and nodded. "Come on!" He beckoned towards the water.

Katara looked over her already skimpy robes, then blushed at her shirtless friend.

"Um, do you mind if I keep my clothes on?" she asked warily. "It's a little cold to wear swim suits at night."

Aang shrugged, not looking to be cold in the slightest. "Whatever makes you comfortable."

He flung the water back towards her. Katara caught it and tossed it back, stepping into the water ankle deep. It wasn't cold at all. Neither was the air. She shivered for show, anyway, even though she knew Aang wouldn't notice something small like that. She was spending too much thought into this, she thought to herself as the flowing water relaxed her body and opened streams in her consciousness. Yue would have told her she was running away. She could feel the moon tugging on the water all around her, shifting the molecules she and Aang were playing catch with.

Just keeping things the way they were. It wasn't running. It was preserving.

And the first way to do that would be to find out what was wrong with Aang. Just like old times.

"Is something the matter?" she asked him. "You were spacing out at the fire."

Aang smiled. "So were you."

"Oh," said Katara, looking at the moon above her, something she used to do for comfort but now only confused her further.

And, just as usual, Aang didn't push the subject. He could have asked what she was so concerned about, just as she was asking him. But he didn't. He never could tell when she needed someone to talk to other than the moon.

"The others are worried about you," said Katara. "You just sort of sped off."

"I know," said Aang. His smile was fading with what little sunlight remained. "I just have a lot on m mind. That's all. Water bending is so soothing I thought it would ease my mind a bit, you know?"

Katara threw him a stream of water, the edges rough as her stomach knotted up. She knew what she had to say. She had been avoiding this sort of talk ever since the invasion, but there was no avoiding it now. Yue would be proud of her, she thought.

"Is it about the play?" she asked softly.

Aang cocked his head, then, computing the meaning of Katara's question, let it sink between his shoulders. But only for a moment. He did his best to hide his disappointment.

"No, it's not that," he said finally.

He absently streamed the water back to her.

"Oh," said Katara, her stomach relaxing again, blood flowing easily and freely throughout her body again. "Then what's the problem?"

"It's the war," he said. "It's all I ever have time to think about these days."

"It is?" asked Katara.

"Yeah," said Aang. "Ever since the invasion." He let the water drop into the water, sending small droplets onto his bare chest. "I failed. Again. And so many people were hurt because of it."

"Aang…" said Katara. The playing, then… it was to banish different thoughts from his mind. It wasn't because…

"I wish Gyatso were here," he said, walking to the shore and sitting down. Katara hated it when he sat like that, slumped over and downcast. It nearly obligated her to hug and comfort him. He needed it, she could tell.

"I'm sure you'll find a way," said Katara, kneeling next to him and wrapping her arm around his bare shoulder. "You're learning fire bending now. You'll have mastered all the elements soon."

"I don't know," said Aang gloomily. It was very unbecoming of him, and it drove Katara mad. "What if I fail again?"

"But you won't fail," said reassured him. "And you're not alone. You have all of us here to help you do this." She pulled him into a hug. "We'll all make sure you don't fail again."

Aang sighed into her shoulder, and Katara was again reminded of his prior romantic pining for her. Was this whole thing an act to get a hug? She pulled away and felt the moon frowning on her back.

"Thanks, Katara," he said hoarsely. He looked back towards the campsite. "I guess we should go back so they don't worry anymore."

Katara gladly stood, patting the sand off her Fire Nation disguise. She forced a smile in his direction. "Let's go," she said.

Katara felt her heart beating as they walked back to camp side by side, the silence dancing around them and prodding their ears. She had mentioned the play. It had been the first time she had mentioned their suddenly diversified relationship since he had forced the brief and confusing talk at the play, and it was the first time ever that she initiated the conversation. Aang wouldn't miss the opportunity to confront her about it.

Her eyes would dart between him and the road so she would be prepared for whatever he was planning to say. She could see it in his eyes, those eyes that matched the color of the twilight sky. He was brooding over the play, trying to choose the proper words to confront her with. Would he try and make her less "confused" by clearing something up? Would he try and convince her to jump into a romance she had no desire for? Would he tell her he wanted to take it back, that he valued the friendship more than a false sense of physical intimacy? Would he chastise her for locking him out of her heart under the potent disguise of confusion?

He did none of those things. Actually, he did none of anything. The camp returned to view, the small fire struggling for survival as Sokka and Suki searched for firewood, if indeed that were all they were doing. Aang hadn't said a word. He was a talkative person whose mouth had been taped by thoughts she couldn't see.

Toph noticed their return first, but Zuko was the first to turn his gaze. His eyes drifted lazily up at her, as if looking at her face was only the second or third best option.

"How did splashing around go, Twinkle Toes?" asked Toph. She was lying on her back, one leg crossed against the other so her fingers could easily wedge between her toes.

"Great!" said Aang exuberantly. "Do you think we can do some earth bending now? I feel like attacking things head on."

Toph smirked and jumped to her feet. "That's what I like to hear."

Toph led Aang away from the camp, leaving Katara alone with Zuko, and Katara finally realized that Aang really did feel better after she had comforted him. It wasn't an act to win a hug, to feel her skin against his. She could tell by his body language. She really had helped him, just like Sokka said she always did. And he had walked all that way in silence not because he was thinking about how to push their romance forward, but simply enjoying the darkened path with her.

"Do you want him?" asked Zuko.

"What?" exclaimed Katara, blushing recklessly.

"You know," said Zuko, taken aback, "do you want him to practice water bending with you more?"

"Water bending?" repeated Katara dumbly.

"Yeah," said Zuko. "I've been training him so much each day that you might want some time to train him yourself."

"Oh," said Katara, sitting on a log and feeling her heart restart. Of course that's what he meant. "He's pretty good at it already," was all she could say.

She had to snap out of this. These thoughts and constant worrying were so destructive! Katara, the one who didn't want romance, was ironically the one who was being consumed by thoughts of it.

Right. Of course Aang had been depressed about the war earlier. He was not one to spend the majority of his time dreaming of women, letting them dominate his consciousness; he had real responsibilities.

At the play Katara had used the war as an excuse, but now she knew it was a poor excuse at best. She thought of ways to keep the lustful boys away much more than she thought about the war, and she knew that should have been the reverse, even telling herself that it was the reverse when it obviously wasn't. She didn't want romance, but she was obsessed by it.

She wished Sokka and Suki would come back with the firewood soon. She wanted nothing less than to be alone with Zuko right now. The eyes that slipped imaginatively under her clothes could talk on their own. Even if they weren't prying into her they were menacing, gold and menacing. And even if Aang hadn't said anything during the walk, Zuko would not remain similarly silent. He would do more than let his eyes do the talking.

He opened his mouth and Katara braced herself.

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At first I wanted this story to have more to it than romance. That doesn't seem to be happening, and as a result Katara comes off as more shallow than I had hoped. I'll get deeper into her character when she and Zuko have some quality alone time, which can hopefully expand her personality more than the standard comforting of Aang does. Plus I'll get into why she's become so obsessed all of a sudden. It's not like her, but I've got my reasons.

Before you get mad at me for Zuko's suggestive staring at Katara, I'd like to point out that he isn't really staring her down like that all the time. It's just how Katara feels, since it's in her perspective and all. Zuko is 16/17 years old, so I wouldn't be surprised if he does look at her like that from time to time, but he's not as blatant and inappropriate as Katara makes him out to be. Just to clear that up.

Oh, and keep guessing who Katara's going to end up with. I weave a web of deception.

-samtana


	4. Chapter 4 Fading to Pieces

This chapter should make up for the last two, which are embarrassing for me to even think about. Katara has spun out of my control and into exactly the opposite of who I think she is. Her crazy obsession with romance is simply out of character. Hopefully I can salvage the original intent of this project with subsequent chapters. Luckily, I think this one gets me back on the right track, and I actually sort of like it. Hope you enjoy, and keep guessing who Katara's going to end up with.

Hint: You may want to read this slowly and/or more than once.

Apology: Sorry it took me so long to post this chapter. It was written on January 1, but I edited it a hundred million times.

Have a great 2009, everyone. Yet another year I won't own Avatar. I mark them on the wall with a sharpie.

**Fading to Pieces**

Katara walked back to her tent. She was relaxed, finally relaxed. She even smiled a little, amused as funny things walzted through her mind here and there. How Zuko had managed to inspire that with his sour demeanor was a mystery. But Katara's smile was doubtlessly there, and it wouldn't go away.

There were clouds in the sky, and Katara couldn't see the moon. She could feel it, though, and it didn't seem too disappointed in her anymore.

"Good job, Twinkle Toes," echoed Toph's voice from a distance. "You're starting to get the hang of this." There was a thud.

"Ow!" yelped Aang. "Thanks."

This recent fascination and dread of romance seemed so clear to her now. It's origins, its omnipresence, and its probable future were all pieced together in Katara's mind, like an orchestra that finally realized it had been tuning the horns to the wrong note. And it was all thanks to Zuko. He didn't even mean to help, and she hadn't been willing to let him at first. But somehow, inexplicably, something had resolved in the girl's mind.

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"But Gran Gran," said Katara, holding a bloodied handkerchief. "How can I marry one of them when I'm sixteen? They'll only be seven or eight by then."

"Hopefully the avatar will return by then," answered her grandmother, "and bring an end to the war. Then the young men with your father will return and you can marry one of them."

Katara winced. "But they're all so much older than me!"

Gran Gran sighed. "It's a dilemma, dear," she said. "We'll think about it when the time comes."

Katara never asked Gran Gran about it again.

------------------------------

Katara laughed, covering her mouth to keep the monk from waking. Moments earlier Aang had dramatically declared his fatigue, yawned, and threw his already snoring body into the tail of his beloved sky bison. Appa groaned. That was the part Katara laughed at the most.

Toph hadn't made her earth tent yet.

------------------------------

"You've grown out of another parka, Sokka," said Gran Gran, pulling the awkward coat off the struggling boy.

"Ow!" he exclaimed. "Gran Gran, you're taking off my ears! You can't replace those, you know!"

Sokka needed a new parka anyway. He had somehow torn holes on the sleeves and the area near his hips. Gran Gran probably wondered how that happened, but she didn't ask. Instead she was met by an unexpected shower of ice and water.

"What's this?" she gasped, shaking the water out of her hair. "How did so much water get into your parka?"

"Um, Katara hit me in the head with a snowball," said Sokka, rubbing the back of his neck where it was still wet.

Katara ran from the tent opening, giggling to herself.

------------------------------

Toph stood in front of Katara. That happened a few times before, but usually Toph looked unhappier about it.

"Thanks, Katara," she said. That was something else that usually didn't happen.

"You're welcome," said Katara before Toph could change her mind about saying it.

Wind blew across the earth, pushed and pulled by the exaggerated breathing of the sleeping air bender. He was sleeping on his side, facing where the fire used to be. Dead ashes drifted back and forth with Aang's rhythmic snoring. It reminded Katara of the ocean. Yue could even control black embers from her eternal perch.

------------------------------

"This is so exciting!" squealed Katara.

"Quiet!" snapped her grandmother. "I need to concentrate!"

The woman wailed painfully.

"Keep breathing!" ordered Gran Gran. "In and out. Like this." She demonstrated. Katara tried it herself while holding the bucket of water at the ready.

After the baby had been born Gran Gran was exhausted. Katara didn't notice until after she had helped delivered a few more, but this aged fatigue was what mandated Katara's presence during these miracles of birth.

Katara got to hold the baby, too.

"What that thing?" Katara asked her grandmother, pointing.

Gran Gran stared for a moment, still panting. It wasn't awkward at all for Katara, but now she knew why her grandmother couldn't think of the perfect words for the moment.

------------------------------

"Whatever you said to Aang really worked," said Toph. "His earth bending is getting much better."

Katara nodded. "I'm glad to hear it," she said.

Toph smirked. Katara rolled her eyes. The thankful, friendly Toph was gone, and back was the Toph she knew best, the Toph that always seemed to bring out the worst in her. Katara was completely aware of how Toph provoked her and once had tried to commit herself to restraining her frustration. It was impossible. It was as if, along with her heartbeat, Toph could feel around in her bloodstream for the perfect way to enrage her, and then she'd smirk as Katara's pulse angrily increased.

"You seem to be better, too," she commented. "Your muscles aren't as tense and your heart rate is more relaxed."

"Hum," said Katara. "Can you tell if I have pentapox, too, Doctor Toph?" Katara laughed at her own joke.

Toph didn't. "What's pentapox?" she asked.

------------------------------

"Wow," said Sokka gloomily. "I'm fifteen now."

"Congratulations!" Katara said with a grin and two hands extended.

Sokka was uninterested. He gave a lazy turn of the eye to Katara's hands. Then his face lit up.

"I knew you'd like it," said Katara.

"How did you know?" asked Sokka. He was excited now. He snatched it out of her hands and rubbed its smooth surface.

"You need to stop filling your parkas with holes," she said. "It took me three weeks to make. I hope it fits."

Sokka gave her a hug. "It's perfect, Katara. Thank you so much, little sister!"

"Still feeling down?" asked Katara with a wry grin.

Sokka ignored her. "You wear it on your back, like this?" he asked.

------------------------------

"At first I was sorry that we left you alone with Zuko," said Toph. "He's not exactly a pleasant guy to be around."

Katara laughed heartily. It was true in one way, but not true in another.

"But talking with him has helped you," continued Toph.

"Yes," said Katara, amazed at the truthfulness of the statement. "Yes, it has."

"What did you talk about, anyway?" asked Toph. "There isn't really anything to talk to him about."

Katara tried the Toph signature smirk. She thought she was doing a good job, but her partner couldn't verify it for her.

"Actually, we talked about not knowing what to talk about," said Katara.

------------------------------

"Hey, Katara, can you come fishing with me today?" asked Sokka. "Since the blizzard just ended I'll need help catching all the fish we need."

"Can I try waterbending?" Katara's eyes were wide, her grin nearly touching them. She looked like a dog waiting for a treat.

"Sure, whatever," shrugged Sokka, rolling his eyes. "Go ahead and work on your weird magic powers."

Katara threw her foot down. Her smile had instantly turned cross. "It's not magic! It's waterbending!"

"Whatever."

------------------------------

"That doesn't sound like a very interesting conversation," said Toph.

Katara smiled.

------------------------------

Katara huddled close, hugging her knees even though she was in front of a fire and was hot enough to sweat. Her knees were too warm. She protected them with her arms. Soon they would be too warm, too.

Zuko could tell she was too warm. He put his arm into the air in front of him, then gently lowered it. The flames dimmed. Katara appreciated it, for if she was to prepare for whatever the prince was going to say she didn't want to do it while physically uncomfortable. Still, her dread for his unstoppable comments was enough to keep her comfort level unhealthily low, and when he opened his mouth to speak her heart jumped out of her throat and danced around the fire.

He didn't say anything close to what she expected him to say. He did not tell her she was beautiful. He did not try to make himself seem more attractive to her. He did not come right out and announce his feelings. And he did not come over and kiss her, which had been her introduction to Aang's hidden feelings. Instead, he said this:

"How come we have nothing to say to each other when we're not thinking about our mothers or threatening to kill each other?"

Katara blinked a few times. She blinked a few times again.

"It's a strange way to build a friendship, that's all," explained Zuko.

"That's true," Katara managed to say. She cursed herself inward. Of course he had figured out something to say that she couldn't have prepared for! And now she was back to improvising with an irate heartbeat. Toph could probably feel it all the way over where she was training Aang.

"We should talk about something," said Zuko.

"Why?" Katara nearly snapped, defensive.

"I don't know," said Zuko. "It just feels like we should. I mean, we're supposed to be friends."

"We are friends," said Katara reflexively. It was as if she were asserting it to herself. We are friends. _Just _friends.

"But we never talk about anything," said Zuko. "I don't know where you learned to waterbend or who you grew up with in the South Pole or anything like that."

"Why would you want to know something like that?" asked Katara. This was puzzling. It wasn't the way things were supposed to go. If a boy liked her he would make her necklaces or tell her she was beautiful or kiss her without warning. He wouldn't ask her what life growing up was like.

"Because we're friends," Zuko repeated. "We're supposed to know that kind of thing about each other."

Katara looked at him suspiciously, but her heart leapt back into her throat, pleasantly warmed by the fire, and her suspicions faded to pieces as sentimental memories from the South Pole took over. The first baby delivery, holding the bucket and staring wide-eyed. Sokka's fifteenth birthday, the first birthday he was able to relax since their father's forced evacuation. Snowball fights, ruined parkas, fishing trips, an aging grandmother, a sarcastic brother.

Romantic anxiety dissolved from Katara's mind and her shoulders relaxed.

She smiled. "Alright," she said. "But after that you have to tell me what it was like growing up with Azula."

Zuko grimaced.

------------------------------

'Therefore Katara had essentially no exposure to any romantic thoughts throughout her childhood.'

The pea-sized conductor raised the baton for the final, climactic note, and all the tiny people inside Katara's head rose for a standing ovation, all pieced together.

------------------------------

"There's just something special about home," said Katara. She turned to face Toph, whose head was drooped as usual when listening. "Taking about my family and my tribe to someone who cares enough to listen was, well, I don't know…" Katara sighed. "It was cleansing, I guess. You know?"

Toph shrugged and shook her head. "No. Not really."

"You should try it sometime," said Katara. "I'd love to hear about what it was like for you growing up."

"Sokka's back," said Toph dully, rising to her feet. She walked over to the sky bison, his gigantic belly rising and falling, and made her earth tent next to him. Sokka and Suki appeared from the forest, each with a handful of twigs, and Katara didn't have the time to contemplate Toph's sudden transition from amiable to antisocial.

Sokka saw that the fire was out and slouched his shoulders. "Aw, man!" He dropped his firewood. "Now what are we going to do with all this firewood?"

"So you really _were_ gathering firewood all this time, huh?" teased Katara, trying the Toph smirk again. Suki blushed through her makeup deep enough to see despite the darkness, and Katara figured the smirk was working.

"Yes, in fact, we were," said Sokka, brushing her off with the turn of his nose. "I'm going to bed. Night."

"Night," squeaked Suki.

"See you in the morning," said Katara, watching as Sokka removed the boomerang case from his back and ducked inside his tent, leaving Suki to reluctantly disappear into her own. Katara's smirk turned to a genuine smile. What a great birthday present. She crawled into her tent and was glad to have the moon smiling down on her through the clouds as she fell asleep.

------------------------------

_To Be Continued_

------------------------------

Warning: long author's note ahead.

Let me know if the timeline of this section was too confusing. I like these "pieces" chapters, but they might be hard to understand. I think I tied up all the lose ends, but it is me writing it, after all, so anything could happen. It may help to read it twice, which I had to do when I edited it, but don't feel obligated. It's nice to write something I'm proud of. It's been a while. Good way to start 2009.

I've watched the audio commentary for season 2, and it's ridiculous in at least two ways. 1) The creators don't really talk much about "shipping." They talk more about action scenes more than anything else. That's what got the most attention when they made the show. I'm not surprised that romance wasn't high on Mike and Brian's minds, actually. 2) When they do mention "shipping," they'll usually say it to whet the audience's appetite. Eg. "Here's some Aang jealousy for the shippers out there." So the creators are basically playing us like foosball. And iff they can do it, why can't I, even if I don't own Avatar? Anyway, keep guessing about Katara's future love life, folks, because you will be played like foosball until the end of this story.

And who should I write so much about romance? Because Mike and Brian didn't put enough effort into it? Oh, yeah. That's the reason.

-samtana


	5. Chapter 5 Kill With Eyes

I don't own Avatar. Think about _that_ now.

**Kill With Eyes**

"I can't take it anymore," said Zuko, angrily kicking dust into the air. "We should be acting. We should be doing… something!"

He was particularly attractive when he was angry, Katara had to admit. His eyes would glow, a passionate redness sparking here and there among the sun-stroked gold. Eyes were beautiful things in Katara's mind. She sometimes wondered what communication would be like if people only talked with their eyes, if no one spoke with their mouths or gestured with their bodies. If that were the case, Katara felt she would have no need for Zuko's words. His frustration was voiced perfectly in his eyes.

Katara appreciated when people wore their emotions plainly and proudly. It had attracted her to Aang instantly, his occasionally total absorbance with fun conflicting with his darker, more confused side that he was unable to hide, unable to try to hide when it surfaced. The group's former enemy was never able to drop his guard and succum to his emotions while he was under scrutiny. But slowly Zuko was allowing himself to exhibit more of himself, his emotions that she had never seen when they were fighting each other, when she couldn't tell whether it was really him or simply an act to win their trust. She couldn't help but like him more when his eyes were so obviously honest.

"We should make a plan," continued Zuko, the rest of the group looking on with a mixture of concern and fatigue. "We should take down my father as fast as we can."

"We're working, Zuko," reasoned Aang, sounding more like a plea than a sentence. "I'm learning the elements as fast as I can, but it's hard."

Zuko cursed. "But we're wasting time!"

"And there's one other thing," said Aang somberly. "I have to figure out some way to defeat the Fire Lord without killing him."

Sokka looked up from sharpening his boomerang. "Why would you need to do that?"

"He's a monster who wants to control the world," said Toph, laying back and flicking specks of dust off her toes. "Wouldn't killing him be the simplest way?"

Aang shook his head. "It doesn't matter the reason," he said. "Killing another living thing just isn't right. This is not the way I was taught to treat my enemies."

"This isn't just an enemy, Aang," said Katara, walking over to put her hand on his shoulder. He always seemed to calm down when she did that. "He's disrupting the balance of the world. I know it sounds horrible now, but in the end everyone will know it was necessary, in the duties of the avatar."

Aang moved away from her hand. His eyes pleaded with his voice, "The Monks always taught me to never resolve a conflict with violence. There's always another way, a more peaceful way."

"This is no time for your fantasy world," spat Zuko. "We're not with the Air Monks right now. We're in the real world."

"How do expect to beat him without killing him, anyway?" asked Suki.

Aang sighed, "I don't know. I've been trying to think, but the only idea I came up with was to make a giant pot of glue and use gluebending, and that idea stinks."

"Look, you're going to have to kill my father," said Zuko grimly. "You're better off trying to get your head around the idea rather than think up some ludicrous plan to avoid bloodying your hands."

"Think about this now," said Aang, searching for a more convincing logic. "If I were to kill the Fire Lord, how would I be any different from him?"

There was an oppressively tense silence. Even the air was still. The sharpening of the boomerang had ceased, Toph's toe picking was put on hold, and Zuko's dust kicking had ended. No one looked at one another, finding something less awkward to rest their pupils on. Katara felt her concentration on her visual sense dim as she entered a deep train of thought and disturbing memories. She remembered icicles pointed at a man on the ground, aimed at his throat. She remembered every fiber in her body wishing to see the dirt road in front of her become saturated with his blood, to know his children and wife would be walking through dried up puddles that were once in their demonic father. And she remembered that she couldn't do it for a reason she couldn't quite understand, and her confused rage was left to never subside. She simply knew that the man's death would bring her no peace. It probably would have done the opposite, and most likely make her curse every time she saw her reflection. She could empathize with Aang's begging for peace, and if she were in his place she would probably do the same.

But this was not some retired Fire Nation general who had spent his career scourging the South Pole for waterbenders. This was the Fire Lord, the man whose traditions had slaughtered the airbenders, Katara's mother and nearly all her southern kinsmen, and had those same intentions for the rest of the world. Aang needed to understand this, that the fate of the world, embodied in this evil man, was far more important than his individual life. If she were in his place she would regret it forever, but she would force her eyes closed and level the final blow, condemning herself to sadness for everyone else's sake.

Sokka's voice brought everyone's attention back to the situation at hand. "I have an idea," he said. "Isn't there someone in the Spirit World you can talk to about this?"

Toph brightened up. "Yeah, like that guy Roku! He'd probably know a way to beat him without killing him."

"That makes sense," Aang said. He suddenly smiled with juvenile excitement. "Oh! I know! I could ask Koh!"

That name sounded so familiar.

"Ask who now?" asked Toph.

"Who's Koh?" asked Zuko suspiciously.

"He's the spirit I was talking to when you captured me at the North Pole," explained Aang simplistically, as if in a rush.

Recognition flashed through Katara's eyes. "The Face Stealer?" she asked.

Aang nodded gleefully. He sat down cross-legged and closed his eyes in preparation for meditation.

Katara shook him out of the reverie, inadvertently knocking him to the ground. "No!" she said sternly. "I can't let you risk so much! We need you!"

Aang looked up at her, his unfocused eyes slowly adjusting to reality. "Katara, please," he said. "I need to do this."

"But what if you fail?" she asked. "I know it sounds wrong, but the Fire Lord's life isn't worth this danger! Talk to Roku instead!"

"But Katara," started Aang.

"Katara's right, Aang," said Sokka with the air of a leader, of a final decision maker. "It's too dangerous, and you're too important."

Aang turned back to Katara, expecting her to say something. She had nothing else to say, but his look made her feel she was forgetting something, yet she couldn't think of what it was. "I will not kill Fire Lord Ozai!" Aang snapped back indignantly, lighting electricity palpable in his eyes. "There has to be some other way!"

It was only after Aang had repositioned himself and fallen into a glowing trance than Katara realized he had been waiting for her to say, "And you're too important to me." And she was shocked to realize that she actually would have said it if she was given another chance. It would have kept him here, out of danger.

But, as she thought about her rage and fear when confronted with her mother's ruthless murderer, she knew cared for Aang too much to bear the thought of him grappling with the horrors of killing. The world would be saved, and his sanity would be sacrificed for it. There was no other way.

Zuko muttered something that sounded like, "I should have killed him myself when I had the chance," which made no sense.

Toph started to play with her meteorite bracelet. "What a stubborn little bugger," she said nonchalantly.

Katara grunted and stood up. "I wonder where she gets it from," she said sarcastically.

"Hey, Sweetness, don't blame me," Toph said. "Stubbornness is an important quality for an earthbender."

"Aren't you worried about him at all?" demanded Katara, stomping over to where the insolent girl was reclined. "Aren't you worried about the fate of the world?"

Toph blew her bangs away from her eyes, a gesture that gave Katara a measure of satisfaction. She usually only did that when she was peeved. "Nope," she shrugged, and Katara could tell masking her true emotions in order to anger her, and it was working.

"Let it go," sighed Zuko. "There's no point in worrying or complaining anymore."

Under normal circumstances Katara would have turned her nose at the sky and marched away with frustration, but she had to admit that Zuko was right. In fact, his words were what she probably would have said if she weren't so angered at Toph.

Suddenly the strange and overwhelming urge to wrap her arms around the former Fire Prince overtook her. She wanted nothing more at the moment than to sob into his shoulder, squeeze tight. and relieve her stress simply through physical contact. No words, just communication through bodies and dripping eyes. Throughout the entire journey she never had that opportunity. Everyone always came to her for comfort, and she was always the one charged with making others feel better. It was wearing on her now, and she felt compelled to convert her stress into compassion and release it all on Zuko, and she felt that somehow he would be the one best suited to understand.

But she did not hug him or cry into his shoulder. After a few tortuous seconds of resistance, the urge died. Katara sighed dispassionately and fell back to the ground. Zuko joined her.

"How long do these trips to the Spirit World usually take?" asked Suki.

"Hard to say," said Sokka impressively, pretending expertise. "This one might take some time, since he's seeing Koh, the Face Stealer."

"Who's that?" asked Suki. "Why do they call him the Face Stealer?"

"Um, because he steals faces," said Sokka.

Out of the corner of her eye Katara could see Zuko looking over her again, like he had the day she had grown paranoid about the boys of the group. Instinctively she moved into a more huddled position, her arms covering her bust. What could Zuko be thinking at the moment? Had his thinking diverted from worry and complaint, as he had suggested, and drifted to prying into her with his eyes? She didn't want to look at him and confirm the naughty glimmer of his sun-colored eyeballs. She knew she would rather not worry, but she felt she had to, and she wanted no distraction. With the world's last hope in terrible danger, why should she do something other than worry?

_To be continued…_

-------------------------------------------------------------

I haven't edited in a while. In fact, I was thinking about discontinuing this story. I don't enjoy writing long plots as much as much as one-shots, so this story hasn't been getting any attention lately. But I hate to leave a story unfinished, so I'll keep updating every once in a while. The _To be continued… _is a promise. Don't hold your breath, though.

I like to use this story to experiment with form and to set aside my normal writing styles and write what I really think about the show. Comedy has permeated my mind and evicted the other genres recently, but I'm trying to revert. Hope this chapter was worth the wait, even though I know it couldn't possibly be.

-samtana

P.S. Happy President's Day! I got a box of chocolates in the shape of a top hat! I plan to spend the day freeing slaves! Ah, what a great holiday!

P.P.S. Did anyone watch the "shooting stars" competition for NBA All-star weekend? Did you notice how Reggie Miller kept calling Bill Laimbeer "Twinkle Toes?" I had to laugh.


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